Assertiveness without Courtesy is simply Bullying

Did we forget how to be courteous to one another?

I’m not talking about outdated notions of chivalry with gentlemen throwing coats over puddles so ladies can pass. I’m talking about simple, everyday decency: stopping your car for a second so someone can cross the street, letting another driver turn instead of racing them, or answering with a “good morning” when the shop keeper asks what you’d like to order.

What makes this worse is how often aggressive behavior is excused as “assertiveness.”

I’m not rude, I’m just assertive. Don’t take it personally.

I will take it personally.

There is a clear difference between being assertive while also being courteous, moving with purpose, pushing for results, excusing yourself kindly, smiling at the person who makes space for you, and thanking them for it. And believing the world should move aside because you are entitled to pass.

That second behavior is not assertiveness. It’s bullying.

It relies on exploiting kind people who assume good intent, or worse, stepping on those who culturally, socially, or emotionally feel they rank below you.

Strength doesn’t show itself by pushing others aside.

Strong people let others pass, knowing they’ll catch up later.

Leaders don’t lead from the front by force, they lead from within by lifting others forward.

Winners don’t hoard victories; they share them.

If you only care about yourself, and you’re convinced you deserve more at the expense of everyone else, then let’s be honest about it:

That’s not confidence.

That’s not assertiveness.

That only means you are a bully.